Looking for some out-of-the-park umpire jokes?
Whether you’re watching from the stands or calling the shots from behind the plate, these funny umpire puns and captions will help you bring the humor to game day.
From clever one-liners to Instagram-worthy zingers, this collection is a total grand slam.
So, let’s knock these jokes out of the park, no need to review the play!
🧢 Funny Umpire Jokes to Break the Ice
Need a joke to lighten up the dugout or make your friends chuckle during a slow inning? These classic umpire jokes are the real MVPs.
Umpires don’t get lost; they just make an official call.
I asked the umpire for directions and he said, “You’re out!”
The umpire opened a bakery as his specialty? Foul starts.
Never challenge an umpire to poker; they always call your bluff.
Umpires don’t use Google Maps; they follow their instincts.
That umpire moonlights as a referee talking about a split decision!
Don’t argue with an umpire unless you like strikes in life too.
Umpires love cooking; they’re great at calling safe dishes.
I dated an umpire once who was very judgmental.
The umpire started a podcast called “You’re Outta Here!”
He didn’t hear the umpire’s call; he was in denial.
The umpire told me I was off base. I was just late for dinner.
Why did the umpire get promoted? He always made sound judgments.
My dad’s an umpire. His bedtime stories all start with, “It was a strike night.”
Don’t trust the umpire’s dog; he always fetches foul balls.
📸 Umpire Jokes for Instagram Captions
Need a witty one-liner for your baseball game photo? These captions are safe to post.
Just here to watch the ump throw some shade.
Life’s too short to argue with the ump.
I’m not saying the pump was biased… but my grandma runs faster.
That awkward moment when the ump is blinder than your ex.
Ump called me out… still hurts more than my breakup.
Caption this: Umpire’s resting glare face.
Me: Out? Ump: Absolutely. My snack: Also gone.
Baseball mood: Arguing with umpires from the couch.
Officially official. Just like my last situationship.
Safe? Out? Who knows? Ask the guy in black.
They say love is blind. So are some umpires.
When the ump’s call ruins your whole fantasy league.
Umpire’s favorite position? Right in the middle of controversy.
Trust issues: Built by umpires and group projects.
Stepped on the field like I run the replay booth.
🤣 Hilarious Umpire Puns for Baseball Lovers
These puns hit it right in the funny zone and are perfect for sharing with fellow fans.
I tried dating an umpire, but it was too one-sided.
He called it a ball, I called it emotional damage.
Umpires don’t retire, they just fade to neutral.
He’s not wrong, he’s just officially misunderstood.
Got into an argument with an ump and got benched emotionally.
Baseball umpires: the only people who can say “you’re out” without a breakup.
My coach blamed the umpire. I blamed my aim.
Heard the umpire’s autobiography is titled “Call of Duty”.
You know you’re an umpire when silence = authority.
When life throws you curves, the ump calls them balls.
Umpire’s New Year resolution? Call less drama.
I called my boss out and now I feel like an umpire.
If sarcasm was a strike zone, I’d be the ump.
I yell at the TV ump like he can hear my disappointment.
Umpires walk so confidently, I’m rethinking my posture.
🏆 Clean Umpire Jokes for All Ages
These jokes are safe for the whole ballpark kids, parents, and even grumpy coaches.
Why did the umpire bring a ladder? To get a better call!
What do you call an ump who tells jokes? A stand-up official.
Why did the umpire start a band? For the strike beats!
What’s an umpire’s favorite instrument? The whistle trumpet.
How do umpires stay fit? Lots of running commentary!
Why did the baseball team hire the umpire? They needed more judgment.
What did the kid say to the ump? “Are you Santa? Because you’re always judging me.”
Why was the umpire cold? Too many foul winds!
Why don’t umpires play hide and seek? Because they always get called out!
What do you call an ump at a party? The mood manager.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Ump. Ump who? Ump out of jokes.
What’s the ump’s favorite vegetable? Strike-a-chini.
Why did the ump go to therapy? Too many mixed signals.
What’s an ump’s favorite emoji? 🛑
Why did the umpire get glasses? To see both sides clearly.
💬 Umpire One-Liners That’ll Make the Dugout Giggle
Quick and clever, perfect for tweets, group chats, or locker room laughs.
“The ump’s strike zone is as clear as mud.”
“My batting average is higher than his accuracy.”
“Trust me, that ump’s seeing ghosts again.”
“I’ve seen more fair calls in Monopoly.”
“He’s got 99 problems, and they’re all out.”
“Call me an ump I just judged that outfit.”
“I’m not saying he’s wrong, but I am protesting.”
“I bring the sass, the ump brings the whistle.”
“Officially done with the ump’s opinions.”
“When the ump’s voice cracks it’s a ball squeal.”
“Even Siri questions that call.”
“Dear ump, this isn’t personal growth.”
“Why yes, I do moonlight as an umpire.”
“The ump should audition for a crime show he detects nothing.”
“I trust my cat’s judgment more.”
📣 Best Umpire Jokes for Social Media Reels & Shorts
Turn heads (and ears) with these punchy jokes ideal for your short-form content.
“This ump’s eyesight came from the clearance rack.”
“Strike? I barely shook my emotions!”
“I’m filing a complaint… to the snack bar.”
“Safe? My foot’s been on base longer than the hotdog guy.”
“When in doubt, blame the umpire.”
“That call was brought to you by ‘No Clue Inc.’”
“If pettiness was a sport, that ump wins gold.”
“I respect your wrong opinion, Mr. Ump.”
“Just got called out… emotionally and on base.”
“The ump’s call was more dramatic than my ex.”
“Umpire’s choice: coffee over clarity.”
“They said follow your dreams. I became an ump so I could shatter others’.”
“Don’t worry, even the ump’s dog disagrees.”
“Behind every bad call is a confident ump.”
“This game’s got more drama than a soap opera.”
🧤 Clever Umpire Jokes for Coaches and Teams
Coaches and teams these gems are tailor-made to bring some fun to the dugout.
“We don’t coach for trophies we coach to argue with umpires.”
“Practice makes perfect… unless the ump’s watching.”
“I coach like I call: loudly and with snacks.”
“The team’s ready umpire’s the real opponent today.”
“If I had a dollar for every bad call, I’d buy my own league.”
“That ump must think he’s the protagonist.”
“Lineup? More like set up for an ump feud.”
“If silence was the answer, the ump nailed it.”
“That call had more twists than a pretzel.”
“We came to play, not to guess the zone.”
“This game’s officially unofficial.”
“Shoutout to the ump for keeping the dream alive.”
“Coaching is easy until the ump speaks.”
“Just trying to decode the ump’s strike zone.”
“Game plan: ignore the call and keep swinging.”
🏁 Conclusion
You made it to the ninth inning of umpire hilarity!
Whether you’re tossing these into a caption, telling one in the dugout, or saving them for your next game day chat, you’re officially in the laugh zone.
Pick your favorites, share them with fellow fans, and remember when life throws you a curveball, swing back with a pun!
